things

well, here i am. and i am more lost than what i would ever imagine for being 19. Anywho, Bucky is in the Navy as is posted in other blogs. Well, I love him with all my heart, but i mean i want to leave him due to the fact that he treated me like shit and only wanted me for one thing. I mean, he was supposed to ask my dad for my hand in marriage, that didn't happen. he'd make all these lil promises, and i was to believe them. Silly me, and little did i know that all those lil promises were going to turn out to be lies. At times i feel like kicking myself in the ass for believing everything he said/says. I mean, people have asked me if he treats me like shit why haven't i left him yet, honestly, i don't know. It's like that Chingy song "Pullin' Me Back" Some of the song lyrics are: "Every time I try to leave something keeps pullin me back (me back) tellin me i need you in my life. Everytime I try go something keeps tellin me that (tellin me that) everything will be alright." So yea, I wish i knew what it was that is keeping him in my life. I guess i don't want to make my final decision until I see him one last time and see if he's changed or not. If things don't happen to work out with bucky, I have a wonderful guy waiting in the dark. I made the choice of not going out to Japan. I'd rather get my bills paid and start gettin some better credit. I would LOVE to go out there but i have shit here i need to get taken care of. For now i have to go. I have to get ready to go to a funeral